Post by rsafan on Feb 13, 2007 7:43:32 GMT -5
Chapter 41
Hey mom
Wow, that was so weird. I’m used to calling only one woman mom, but I have to get used to the fact that that’s exactly who you are, my mother. Took me quite a long time don’t you think, over a year. Guess I’m not so smart in all areas huh. So I’m trying it out, calling you mom that is, seeing how it fits. Hopefully you like it and don’t mind me calling you that. My mom, the other one, said you wouldn’t and judging from the few months I’ve had you in my life, I agree with her.
Things are fantastic here in England, I thought you’d like to know. I never realised just how much I had missed my parents until I came here, until I saw them everyday. I never realised how much I’d miss you and the family I’d found there in Salem until I left and I couldn’t see you everyday. It seems I can’t have it both ways, my mom made me realise just how blessed I am to have two women care for me as much as the two of you do. To have two families love me as much as mine do. Talking to her made me wish I could have spoken with you about these things, spoken as a mother and daughter. But that wasn’t possible, not then because I had so much anger in me, anger I directed at you. Anger and resentment I hadn’t thought I had in me, truths about myself I had to deal with but avoided by taking the first chance I got to leave Salem. I regret that I couldn’t sit down with you and tell you how I felt; I regret that I didn’t trust you enough.
But that’s no longer the case. I want to tell you everything. So if you’ll be patient and bare with me, I’d like to tell you now.
Three years ago I found out I was adopted, my entire world collapsed in that instant, and suddenly I was struggling to define who I was. Someone who had always been so sure of herself, I doubted my worth. I dreamed about what my real parents were like, sometimes I would pray that they’d given me up because they loved me so much and couldn’t give me the life they thought I deserved. I dreamed of telling them that all I’d ever wanted or needed was to have them around.
But that was just a dream. The reality of my situation was far worse; I was taken away from a mother who couldn’t remember giving birth to me, by a man whose hatred for my family went further back than my years on this earth. Whose legacy of mayhem and hatred leashed upon my family had nothing to do with me, but the blood flowing through my veins. For all he has done to me, to us; I hope you understand why I cannot hate Stefano Dimera. His objective was not achieved, instead he placed this Brady in a home where she was loved and cherished. Despite the pain, I cannot regret that I was raised the way I was, by the people who raised me. Though it was not his intention, Stefano Dimera has blessed me by his actions, because instead of having one family to love me, I now have two.
In not knowing or understanding any of this, I blamed you. I blamed you for not knowing about me, for not remembering me, for not loving me enough to find me. I blamed you for allowing me to be taken from you, to never know what it was like to have you hold me when I cried. I blamed you for so many things over which you had no control. I wanted you in my life so badly, but I was scared as to where you’d fit in, I already had a mother who loved me, I didn’t need another who didn’t even know me.
So I want and need to apologise for my atrocious behaviour. My mother assures me that all is most likely already forgiven, because that’s the way a mother’s love works. I need to apologise anyway, for never giving you the chance to become the mother I wanted you to be, for never allowing your love for me to seep through my defences, for keeping you at a distance when all I wanted to do was run into your arms and have you tell me I was home. I also want to apologise for the way I reacted in that hospital room, I’ll never know what you felt when I pushed you away. I wish with all my heart now, that you never knew how it felt either. But it happened and the fact that I was grieving and in pain is not an excuse. You wanted nothing more than to offer comfort and I pushed you away. For that, I’ll always be sorry.
I left Salem with no intention of ever returning, of never bothering to look back. That was a mistake, one I intend to correct. So I promise that you will see me again, I’ll be back, I don’t know when, but I’ll be back. Because that’s where my family is, that’s were my parents are, that’s where you are. Until that time though, we’ll have to make do with long distance communication, and I hope that one day, I’ll be able to walk through your front door, into your arms and know that I’ve come home. Look after my family for me, all of them and send my love.
Your daughter always…
Victoria Campbell Brady
P.S. Extra hugs and kisses for Zach and tell that brother of mine to get off his butt and fight for the woman he wants, the woman he loves. Remind him that you don’t get to choose who you fall in love with, you’re not supposed to, you just fall.
Victoria
Of course I don’t mind you calling me mom, Gillian is so right; there isn’t even a need to ask. I’ve waited so long to have you say that. You are my daughter, from the moment I found out about you, it was a forgone conclusion that I would accept you as such. You’ve shared your thoughts and feelings with me, I thought it only fair I reciprocate.
When Shawn walked into our home and informed us that we had a daughter, my first reaction was denial. I refused to believe that I could have given birth to a baby and not remember. I refused to acknowledge the fact that that was exactly what had occurred. I wish with all my heart that I could remember you, I too wish I could have been there for all your firsts, I wish I could have been the one to name you, but my most fervent wish was that I could make you believe I loved you, without even having met you, that I loved you because you were a part of me, a part of your father. You spent three years imagining what we were like; we spent one night wondering the same thing. No comparison I’m sure, but just as heartbreaking. Shawn and Zack were such vastly different children, that I couldn’t imagine what a daughter of mine would be like. Your father is always telling me how much of me he sees in you, I take pride in that. I take pride in the fact that though I did not raise you, you are still my daughter in so many ways.
As for my forgiveness, once again your mother is right. It was never an issue, not in your behaviour towards me upon finding out, and most especially not while you were in the hospital. You needed your mother, the one you’d known for twenty years as opposed to the one you’d known for a year. I’m glad you’re happy in England, it’s all I’ve ever wanted for you and rather selfishly, I’m more glad you miss me. I miss you a hundred times more, I’ve sent your regards to the family, and they all send their love. Max has informed me that the two of you are staying in touch, I’m glad of the fact and cannot help but secretly wish you two get back together; if only so I can have you back in Salem.
Love always…
Mom
Hey mom
Wow, that was so weird. I’m used to calling only one woman mom, but I have to get used to the fact that that’s exactly who you are, my mother. Took me quite a long time don’t you think, over a year. Guess I’m not so smart in all areas huh. So I’m trying it out, calling you mom that is, seeing how it fits. Hopefully you like it and don’t mind me calling you that. My mom, the other one, said you wouldn’t and judging from the few months I’ve had you in my life, I agree with her.
Things are fantastic here in England, I thought you’d like to know. I never realised just how much I had missed my parents until I came here, until I saw them everyday. I never realised how much I’d miss you and the family I’d found there in Salem until I left and I couldn’t see you everyday. It seems I can’t have it both ways, my mom made me realise just how blessed I am to have two women care for me as much as the two of you do. To have two families love me as much as mine do. Talking to her made me wish I could have spoken with you about these things, spoken as a mother and daughter. But that wasn’t possible, not then because I had so much anger in me, anger I directed at you. Anger and resentment I hadn’t thought I had in me, truths about myself I had to deal with but avoided by taking the first chance I got to leave Salem. I regret that I couldn’t sit down with you and tell you how I felt; I regret that I didn’t trust you enough.
But that’s no longer the case. I want to tell you everything. So if you’ll be patient and bare with me, I’d like to tell you now.
Three years ago I found out I was adopted, my entire world collapsed in that instant, and suddenly I was struggling to define who I was. Someone who had always been so sure of herself, I doubted my worth. I dreamed about what my real parents were like, sometimes I would pray that they’d given me up because they loved me so much and couldn’t give me the life they thought I deserved. I dreamed of telling them that all I’d ever wanted or needed was to have them around.
But that was just a dream. The reality of my situation was far worse; I was taken away from a mother who couldn’t remember giving birth to me, by a man whose hatred for my family went further back than my years on this earth. Whose legacy of mayhem and hatred leashed upon my family had nothing to do with me, but the blood flowing through my veins. For all he has done to me, to us; I hope you understand why I cannot hate Stefano Dimera. His objective was not achieved, instead he placed this Brady in a home where she was loved and cherished. Despite the pain, I cannot regret that I was raised the way I was, by the people who raised me. Though it was not his intention, Stefano Dimera has blessed me by his actions, because instead of having one family to love me, I now have two.
In not knowing or understanding any of this, I blamed you. I blamed you for not knowing about me, for not remembering me, for not loving me enough to find me. I blamed you for allowing me to be taken from you, to never know what it was like to have you hold me when I cried. I blamed you for so many things over which you had no control. I wanted you in my life so badly, but I was scared as to where you’d fit in, I already had a mother who loved me, I didn’t need another who didn’t even know me.
So I want and need to apologise for my atrocious behaviour. My mother assures me that all is most likely already forgiven, because that’s the way a mother’s love works. I need to apologise anyway, for never giving you the chance to become the mother I wanted you to be, for never allowing your love for me to seep through my defences, for keeping you at a distance when all I wanted to do was run into your arms and have you tell me I was home. I also want to apologise for the way I reacted in that hospital room, I’ll never know what you felt when I pushed you away. I wish with all my heart now, that you never knew how it felt either. But it happened and the fact that I was grieving and in pain is not an excuse. You wanted nothing more than to offer comfort and I pushed you away. For that, I’ll always be sorry.
I left Salem with no intention of ever returning, of never bothering to look back. That was a mistake, one I intend to correct. So I promise that you will see me again, I’ll be back, I don’t know when, but I’ll be back. Because that’s where my family is, that’s were my parents are, that’s where you are. Until that time though, we’ll have to make do with long distance communication, and I hope that one day, I’ll be able to walk through your front door, into your arms and know that I’ve come home. Look after my family for me, all of them and send my love.
Your daughter always…
Victoria Campbell Brady
P.S. Extra hugs and kisses for Zach and tell that brother of mine to get off his butt and fight for the woman he wants, the woman he loves. Remind him that you don’t get to choose who you fall in love with, you’re not supposed to, you just fall.
*****
Victoria
Of course I don’t mind you calling me mom, Gillian is so right; there isn’t even a need to ask. I’ve waited so long to have you say that. You are my daughter, from the moment I found out about you, it was a forgone conclusion that I would accept you as such. You’ve shared your thoughts and feelings with me, I thought it only fair I reciprocate.
When Shawn walked into our home and informed us that we had a daughter, my first reaction was denial. I refused to believe that I could have given birth to a baby and not remember. I refused to acknowledge the fact that that was exactly what had occurred. I wish with all my heart that I could remember you, I too wish I could have been there for all your firsts, I wish I could have been the one to name you, but my most fervent wish was that I could make you believe I loved you, without even having met you, that I loved you because you were a part of me, a part of your father. You spent three years imagining what we were like; we spent one night wondering the same thing. No comparison I’m sure, but just as heartbreaking. Shawn and Zack were such vastly different children, that I couldn’t imagine what a daughter of mine would be like. Your father is always telling me how much of me he sees in you, I take pride in that. I take pride in the fact that though I did not raise you, you are still my daughter in so many ways.
As for my forgiveness, once again your mother is right. It was never an issue, not in your behaviour towards me upon finding out, and most especially not while you were in the hospital. You needed your mother, the one you’d known for twenty years as opposed to the one you’d known for a year. I’m glad you’re happy in England, it’s all I’ve ever wanted for you and rather selfishly, I’m more glad you miss me. I miss you a hundred times more, I’ve sent your regards to the family, and they all send their love. Max has informed me that the two of you are staying in touch, I’m glad of the fact and cannot help but secretly wish you two get back together; if only so I can have you back in Salem.
Love always…
Mom
