Post by rsafan on Feb 13, 2007 7:24:35 GMT -5
Chapter 38
Max came out of the office, a huge smile on his face, as Mimi stepped into the garage, “Hey Meems, you just missed him. He went home to change. Apparently he has a lunch date…with his mother.”
Everyone had been a bit worried at Max’s happy-go-lucky attitude. Mimi smiled at him, “You know, just because she told you to be happy, it doesn’t mean you have to always be happy. I don’t think she meant twenty-four seven, just to have a happy life in general.”
“You know you’re the first person to tell me that, everyone thinks she’s a taboo topic.”
“I know differently, given half the chance, you’d talk about her all day long.” Then her smile disappeared, “Its horrible isn’t it, loving someone that much and just having them walk away?”
“You have no idea, sometimes I wake up and I still imagine she’s here. That she’s just downstairs making a cup of tea; then I look around and realize wrong room. And it hits you all over again.”
“Well, it can’t be worse than waking up in the same room and realizing that all your problems are still there.”
“I’m guessing things aren’t getting any better between the two of you. I know Shawn’s been a bit temperamental lately.”
“I guess it’s this whole thing with Belle living right across the hall, I was paranoid enough when Philip was staying there, now I’m just about ready to have myself committed. He’s always over there and I knew it would be hard with Claire, but why can’t she stay over at our place a couple of nights?” She sighed, stopping the ‘woe is me’ tirade before it got out of hand, “Look at us, crying over those two. As if they’re worth our tears.”
“They are, at least she is. Who would have thought that having grown up thousands of miles apart; they’d have the same tendencies?”
“You mean to say that Victoria also sets impossibly high standards for the people in her life, she also completely cuts you out when you fail to live up to them but never mind that she doesn’t either?”
“No, what I mean is that they both run away from their problems.”
“How do you figure?”
“Victoria ran all the way back to England and Shawn, Shawn seems to be running back to the familiar.”
“You really miss her don’t you?”
“More everyday, but I’ll get over it. I have to, I’m hoping that one day I’d wake up and the pain wouldn’t be there anymore.”
“One day it won’t and you’ll move on. Find an amazing girl who you can love with your whole heart, one who will love you back. I better get going; my mom doesn’t like being kept waiting.”
“Mimi,” Mimi turned around when he called her, “maybe you should take your own advice and find that someone who loves you with their whole heart.”
“I’m starting to think that maybe you’re right.”
“I just don’t get why she forced Mimi to tell me about Claire, but dropped the issue of Belle and myself.” Mimi sat back stunned, was Shawn admitting to having been with Belle and had Victoria known all along? Had everyone known?
She listened avidly to Hope’s response, “Your sister did a lot of things that didn’t make sense Shawn, but thinking back…When we all found out about Claire, and that Mimi had known or suspected, many of our reactions were that you should leave Mimi. Your sister and your grandmother were among the few who argued her point. Caroline said that a marriage is between two people, not their families and that if you were willing to forgive Mimi, who were we to bare a grudge. I think your sister had other reasons for fighting for Mimi and I don’t know what they are, but I do know why she pressed Mimi…I think that, I think it was because she didn’t need to do much pressing. I think Mimi was ready to tell you the truth, had been for a long time and she just needed someone to tell her that everything would be okay. She pressed her and threatened her because she knew it would work, she didn’t do the same with you because she knew it wouldn’t work. She knew that you wouldn’t ever tell Mimi, maybe because you didn’t want her hurt or maybe for other, more personal reasons…”
“By ‘more personal reasons’, you mean me getting back with Belle.”
“I don’t mean anything only Shawn, why would you do it? Mimi was pregnant and it was supposed to be the happiest time of your life yet your sister finds you kissing Belle on the rooftop. If it was Mimi you wanted to be with, you would have told her from the very beginning but you didn’t, come to think of it, if it was Mimi you wanted to be with you shouldn’t have done it in the first place.”
“I didn’t want to hurt her and if Mimi ever found out, I’d lose not only her but Zach too.”
“Is that what’s worrying you? Losing your son? Is he the only reason you’re still in this marriage?”
Mimi didn’t wait to hear Shawn’s answer, she’d heard enough already and quietly left the restaurant.
“No! How can you say that? I love Mimi; I’m with Mimi because she’s the one I want to be with, not out of any sense of guilt. Belle and I are over, we have been for a very long time now and that’s the way it’s going to stay.”
“What about Claire?”
“What about Claire? I can still be a father to Claire, I think I’m doing a well enough job now that Philip’s left and Mimi supports me one hundred percent. She knows how much Claire means to me and I admit that recently I’ve been spending an awful amount of time with her but Philip just up and left and she misses him.”
“And I’m guessing that Zach misses you too.” Hope said, pointing out the fact that while Shawn had been spending quality time with Claire, he’d been missing out on that same time with Zach.
“Would you stop it? My life isn’t exactly a bed of roses right now but I’m coping as best I can. I don’t need you to point out the mistakes I’m making, I’m well aware of them.”
“I’m sorry; I know this is hard on you but…”
Shawn got up from the table; he’d really had it with his mother pushing him towards Belle, as though Mimi were inconsequential. “I’m out of here.” he said, storming out of the restaurant before Hope could say anything more to upset him.
“Mimi, what are you doing home?” he asked as she was supposed to be picking Zach up from the Pub.
“Waiting for you” she said.
They stood there in the apartment, the three of them in silence, waiting for someone to say something. Belle was the first to speak, “Maybe I should go.” she said, obviously Shawn and Mimi needed to have a private talk.
But Mimi stopped her, “No Belle, you can stay.” Then she turned to Shawn, “My bags are in the car, Zach’s too. I was just waiting till you got home. I figured the least I could do was tell you I was leaving, I owed you that much.”
“Bags? Leaving? Where are you going?” Shawn asked, a bit confused.
“I’m moving out, I’m going to stay with my mom for a while, till I’ve found a place of my own.” She explained.
She was moving out? NO! His mind refused to accept it, she couldn’t leave, “You can’t; you cannot just up and leave. We had an agreement. What about our agreement?”
“I’m changing the agreement. You said I could walk anytime I chose, I’m choosing now.”
“But why?”
“If I had told you…if I had told you what I knew at the very beginning then we wouldn’t be having this conversation now. We wouldn’t be married, we wouldn’t have Zach and you Belle,” she said pointing to her best friend, “you’d be living your dream with Shawn and Claire. I would simply be the ‘what if’ girl, your best friend, his best friend.” She swallowed, ignoring the tears that were threatening to fall; the time for tears would be later, when she was all alone. “Maybe…maybe you can still have that, maybe you can find that happiness that you’ve always dreamed of together.”
“Mimi, don’t do this…”
Mimi shook her head, “I have to Shawn. After everything I’ve done to ensure my own happiness, I have to do this for you. The two of you belong together, I was stupid to try and come between you…”
“No Mimi that’s not true. It’s you I love, you I want to be with.” Then he turned to Belle, “Could you give us some time alone?”
Belle nodded and was about to leave when Mimi called after her, “No, don’t go Belle. I’m the one who should be going, I’m the one who is going, I hope you two are really happy together.” and with that she picked up her bag and walked to the door, out of the apartment.
“Just let her go.” Belle pulled on Shawn’s arm as he moved past her to Mimi.
“Are you out of your mind?” He shrugged her off, “I’m not just going to let her go. Mimi…Mimi wait.” But the lift doors had already closed, he took the stairs down, praying that she would still be there by the time he got down. She was, “Mimi wait…just don’t go please.”
Why couldn’t he leave her be, why did he insist on dragging this out? She turned to him, “I’m tired of waiting Shawn, I’m tired of waiting for you to decide who you want to be with, who’s more important to you. I’m tired of waiting for things to get better and I’m tired of begging for your forgiveness. But you want to know what I’m most tired of? I’m most tired of loving you Shawn, that’s the most tiring, that’s what I can’t handle. Loving you and hoping and praying that maybe you’ll finally see just how much you mean to me. I just want to stop loving you, please tell me how to do that, tell me so I can get over you, so I can stop hurting all the time, so I can stop being so d**n tired all the time. Tell me Shawn! Tell me what to do to stop loving you please!”
Shawn stared at her stunned, they’d fought before. They’d yelled and screamed at each other but somehow they’d always gotten through it and he knew that there was no getting through this. How do you get through something like this? How do you get past your wife begging you to help her stop loving you. He reached out his hand, “Mimi, I…”
She stepped away from his touch, “You can’t make this better Shawn. You can’t fix it. Not this time.” She got in her car and drove off, watching him in the review mirror till she turned the corner. He stood there long after her car was out of sight asking himself, was it really over for them?
Max came out of the office, a huge smile on his face, as Mimi stepped into the garage, “Hey Meems, you just missed him. He went home to change. Apparently he has a lunch date…with his mother.”
Everyone had been a bit worried at Max’s happy-go-lucky attitude. Mimi smiled at him, “You know, just because she told you to be happy, it doesn’t mean you have to always be happy. I don’t think she meant twenty-four seven, just to have a happy life in general.”
“You know you’re the first person to tell me that, everyone thinks she’s a taboo topic.”
“I know differently, given half the chance, you’d talk about her all day long.” Then her smile disappeared, “Its horrible isn’t it, loving someone that much and just having them walk away?”
“You have no idea, sometimes I wake up and I still imagine she’s here. That she’s just downstairs making a cup of tea; then I look around and realize wrong room. And it hits you all over again.”
“Well, it can’t be worse than waking up in the same room and realizing that all your problems are still there.”
“I’m guessing things aren’t getting any better between the two of you. I know Shawn’s been a bit temperamental lately.”
“I guess it’s this whole thing with Belle living right across the hall, I was paranoid enough when Philip was staying there, now I’m just about ready to have myself committed. He’s always over there and I knew it would be hard with Claire, but why can’t she stay over at our place a couple of nights?” She sighed, stopping the ‘woe is me’ tirade before it got out of hand, “Look at us, crying over those two. As if they’re worth our tears.”
“They are, at least she is. Who would have thought that having grown up thousands of miles apart; they’d have the same tendencies?”
“You mean to say that Victoria also sets impossibly high standards for the people in her life, she also completely cuts you out when you fail to live up to them but never mind that she doesn’t either?”
“No, what I mean is that they both run away from their problems.”
“How do you figure?”
“Victoria ran all the way back to England and Shawn, Shawn seems to be running back to the familiar.”
“You really miss her don’t you?”
“More everyday, but I’ll get over it. I have to, I’m hoping that one day I’d wake up and the pain wouldn’t be there anymore.”
“One day it won’t and you’ll move on. Find an amazing girl who you can love with your whole heart, one who will love you back. I better get going; my mom doesn’t like being kept waiting.”
“Mimi,” Mimi turned around when he called her, “maybe you should take your own advice and find that someone who loves you with their whole heart.”
“I’m starting to think that maybe you’re right.”
*****
Mimi stepped into Chez Rouge five minutes later than she’d planned, she was supposed to be meeting her mother here but since she hadn’t already been called, Mimi figured Bonnie was late as well. She allowed herself to be escorted to their table and ordered a glass of mineral water. She’d barely sat down when she heard familiar voices, she was about to go and greet them when she heard her name…“I just don’t get why she forced Mimi to tell me about Claire, but dropped the issue of Belle and myself.” Mimi sat back stunned, was Shawn admitting to having been with Belle and had Victoria known all along? Had everyone known?
She listened avidly to Hope’s response, “Your sister did a lot of things that didn’t make sense Shawn, but thinking back…When we all found out about Claire, and that Mimi had known or suspected, many of our reactions were that you should leave Mimi. Your sister and your grandmother were among the few who argued her point. Caroline said that a marriage is between two people, not their families and that if you were willing to forgive Mimi, who were we to bare a grudge. I think your sister had other reasons for fighting for Mimi and I don’t know what they are, but I do know why she pressed Mimi…I think that, I think it was because she didn’t need to do much pressing. I think Mimi was ready to tell you the truth, had been for a long time and she just needed someone to tell her that everything would be okay. She pressed her and threatened her because she knew it would work, she didn’t do the same with you because she knew it wouldn’t work. She knew that you wouldn’t ever tell Mimi, maybe because you didn’t want her hurt or maybe for other, more personal reasons…”
“By ‘more personal reasons’, you mean me getting back with Belle.”
“I don’t mean anything only Shawn, why would you do it? Mimi was pregnant and it was supposed to be the happiest time of your life yet your sister finds you kissing Belle on the rooftop. If it was Mimi you wanted to be with, you would have told her from the very beginning but you didn’t, come to think of it, if it was Mimi you wanted to be with you shouldn’t have done it in the first place.”
“I didn’t want to hurt her and if Mimi ever found out, I’d lose not only her but Zach too.”
“Is that what’s worrying you? Losing your son? Is he the only reason you’re still in this marriage?”
Mimi didn’t wait to hear Shawn’s answer, she’d heard enough already and quietly left the restaurant.
“No! How can you say that? I love Mimi; I’m with Mimi because she’s the one I want to be with, not out of any sense of guilt. Belle and I are over, we have been for a very long time now and that’s the way it’s going to stay.”
“What about Claire?”
“What about Claire? I can still be a father to Claire, I think I’m doing a well enough job now that Philip’s left and Mimi supports me one hundred percent. She knows how much Claire means to me and I admit that recently I’ve been spending an awful amount of time with her but Philip just up and left and she misses him.”
“And I’m guessing that Zach misses you too.” Hope said, pointing out the fact that while Shawn had been spending quality time with Claire, he’d been missing out on that same time with Zach.
“Would you stop it? My life isn’t exactly a bed of roses right now but I’m coping as best I can. I don’t need you to point out the mistakes I’m making, I’m well aware of them.”
“I’m sorry; I know this is hard on you but…”
Shawn got up from the table; he’d really had it with his mother pushing him towards Belle, as though Mimi were inconsequential. “I’m out of here.” he said, storming out of the restaurant before Hope could say anything more to upset him.
*****
The last thing Shawn felt able to handle when he stepped off the lift was Belle. After having his mother shove Belle down his throat at lunch, all he wanted to do was go home and be with his wife. But Belle obviously had other ideas and followed him into the apartment. Mimi was sitting on the sofa waiting for him, she glanced up as he entered and didn’t seem all that surprised when she saw Belle enter behind him.“Mimi, what are you doing home?” he asked as she was supposed to be picking Zach up from the Pub.
“Waiting for you” she said.
They stood there in the apartment, the three of them in silence, waiting for someone to say something. Belle was the first to speak, “Maybe I should go.” she said, obviously Shawn and Mimi needed to have a private talk.
But Mimi stopped her, “No Belle, you can stay.” Then she turned to Shawn, “My bags are in the car, Zach’s too. I was just waiting till you got home. I figured the least I could do was tell you I was leaving, I owed you that much.”
“Bags? Leaving? Where are you going?” Shawn asked, a bit confused.
“I’m moving out, I’m going to stay with my mom for a while, till I’ve found a place of my own.” She explained.
She was moving out? NO! His mind refused to accept it, she couldn’t leave, “You can’t; you cannot just up and leave. We had an agreement. What about our agreement?”
“I’m changing the agreement. You said I could walk anytime I chose, I’m choosing now.”
“But why?”
“If I had told you…if I had told you what I knew at the very beginning then we wouldn’t be having this conversation now. We wouldn’t be married, we wouldn’t have Zach and you Belle,” she said pointing to her best friend, “you’d be living your dream with Shawn and Claire. I would simply be the ‘what if’ girl, your best friend, his best friend.” She swallowed, ignoring the tears that were threatening to fall; the time for tears would be later, when she was all alone. “Maybe…maybe you can still have that, maybe you can find that happiness that you’ve always dreamed of together.”
“Mimi, don’t do this…”
Mimi shook her head, “I have to Shawn. After everything I’ve done to ensure my own happiness, I have to do this for you. The two of you belong together, I was stupid to try and come between you…”
“No Mimi that’s not true. It’s you I love, you I want to be with.” Then he turned to Belle, “Could you give us some time alone?”
Belle nodded and was about to leave when Mimi called after her, “No, don’t go Belle. I’m the one who should be going, I’m the one who is going, I hope you two are really happy together.” and with that she picked up her bag and walked to the door, out of the apartment.
“Just let her go.” Belle pulled on Shawn’s arm as he moved past her to Mimi.
“Are you out of your mind?” He shrugged her off, “I’m not just going to let her go. Mimi…Mimi wait.” But the lift doors had already closed, he took the stairs down, praying that she would still be there by the time he got down. She was, “Mimi wait…just don’t go please.”
Why couldn’t he leave her be, why did he insist on dragging this out? She turned to him, “I’m tired of waiting Shawn, I’m tired of waiting for you to decide who you want to be with, who’s more important to you. I’m tired of waiting for things to get better and I’m tired of begging for your forgiveness. But you want to know what I’m most tired of? I’m most tired of loving you Shawn, that’s the most tiring, that’s what I can’t handle. Loving you and hoping and praying that maybe you’ll finally see just how much you mean to me. I just want to stop loving you, please tell me how to do that, tell me so I can get over you, so I can stop hurting all the time, so I can stop being so d**n tired all the time. Tell me Shawn! Tell me what to do to stop loving you please!”
Shawn stared at her stunned, they’d fought before. They’d yelled and screamed at each other but somehow they’d always gotten through it and he knew that there was no getting through this. How do you get through something like this? How do you get past your wife begging you to help her stop loving you. He reached out his hand, “Mimi, I…”
She stepped away from his touch, “You can’t make this better Shawn. You can’t fix it. Not this time.” She got in her car and drove off, watching him in the review mirror till she turned the corner. He stood there long after her car was out of sight asking himself, was it really over for them?
