Post by rsafan on Nov 30, 2006 3:25:02 GMT -5
Chapter 29
Hope spent the morning of the New Year, at Zack’s grave. With all the excitement over discovering Victoria, she hadn’t been there in a long time. She knelt beside his grave,
“Hey Zack honey, I know I haven’t been here in a long time. But so much has happened; I guess you know everything though. I wish you could have known her and I wish she could have known you, the two of you would have loved each other so much, I’m sure of that. Thank you for sending her to us, to me. I needed her without even realising it. Oh God Zack, Christmas was so hard without you this year, I kept looking around for you and then I had to deal with the pain all over again. I remember how happy we were last year and it hurts so much, it hurts so much Zack. And it’s great to have Shawn and Victoria and your dad, but it’s not the same, not without you. Shawn is doing so great and you should see Zach, so tiny but alert, it’s as though he knows how great his namesake was. He’s just the sweetest baby ever, he’s really precious and so is Claire for that matter. Who would have thought, me a grandmother, twice over. I was so angry with Mimi for keeping something like that from Shawn but I realised, with your grandma Caroline’s help, that it wasn’t my place to be angry and it wasn’t my forgiveness she needed. If Shawn was able to move on then who were we to still blame her? And besides Mimi’s a good girl and she makes your brother very happy. Your sister on the other hand, Victoria, that’s another story. I don’t know what to do anymore Zack, I love her so much and all I want is to be her mother but she keeps pushing me away. Every time I think we’re making progress, she puts up another wall and I can feel her pulling away from me, I just don’t know what to do to make it better. Victor certainly didn’t help the situation any and she’s quit her job at Titan so there’s nothing keeping her here in Salem besides Max. Which reminds me of the scare they gave us on Christmas day, your aunt Kayla and I were sure he’d given her an engagement ring, turns out it was simply a pendant.” She smiled at the thought and placed her hand over his name, engraved on the headstone, “I miss you so much Zack, so much.”
She looked up and found Bo standing a few feet away from her. Getting up, she walked over to him. “How did you know I’d be here?”
He wiped the tears from her face and brought her closer, “I didn’t, I just knew you’d need me.” Together they walked back to their cars. Their children were coming around later in the day; they were supposed to have some family time. Mimi had even promised to bring Claire along if Belle and Philip didn’t have any plans.
“Shawn, I’m sorry. You’re right okay, you win.” “Shawn! Stop please.”
“What’s Shawn right about?” she asked Hope.
“They’re arguing about which the better sport is baseball or cricket. Shawn wouldn’t let up till she conceded”
Shawn still hadn’t let up, Victoria put up her hand to stop him, “Okay, I bow down to the superiority of the game of baseball,” she would’ve gone on but he landed a snowball in her face, “Dad, would you tell Shawn to…” she trailed off, realising what she’d just said. “What I meant to say was-”
Everyone was quiet for a while, stunned really. Then Bo, who was standing on the porch shouted to Shawn, “Shawn, leave your sister alone.”
At the door, Mimi had seen the expression that had crossed Hope’s face when Victoria had called Bo ‘dad’, “Are you okay?”
Hope shrugged the question off, “It’s nothing, silly really.” Mimi looked at her, her expressions said that she was listening if Hope wanted to talk, Hope turned away from the door and walked sat down in one of the chairs, “She’s so comfortable with them, Bo and Shawn. We have none of that closeness, there’s this distance between us that I can’t get past and she won’t let me. Sometimes I feel as though she doesn’t want me in her life.”
Mimi placed a comforting hand on Hope’s shoulder, “That’s absurd Hope. Of course she wants you in her life, she’s just cautious, you’re her mother. That’s a dynamic relationship, she just needs time.”
Hope was about to say something when the Bo, Shawn and Victoria all came inside. “Mom, did you see that excellent pitch? Knocked some sense into Tory.”
Hope smiled at Shawn and nodded.
“Pitch? That wasn’t a pitch that was a throw. You threw that thing right at me; it almost knocked me for a six.”
“Homerun” Shawn corrected her.
“Alright kids,” Bo addressed them as though they were two six years olds instead of two grown people, “let’s go get something to drink.” He shuffled the two of them, still arguing into the kitchen just as the doorbell rang.
Hope got up and called, “I’ll get that.” She opened the door and was surprised to find who was on the other side, “Chelsea, what are you doing here?”
“I invited her.” Victoria stated as she came out of the kitchen with a mug of hot chocolate, “This is a family get together, she’s family.”
Chelsea glanced at Shawn and Hope uncomfortably, “Maybe I should just go.”
Shawn nodded, “Yeah that’d be a brilliant idea.”
“Then I’m going with you.” Victoria placed her cup on the coffee table and walked to the front door.
Shawn called out, “You don’t have to do that.”
Victoria looked at him, “No, I think I do.”
But it was Chelsea who stopped her with an acidic comment, “Look I don’t need you doing me any favours.”
“Wouldn’t dream about it, wouldn’t want you owing me anything.”
“Victoria…” Shawn’s eyes pleaded with her not to do this.
Torn between letting her step-daughter join in the family fun and having her daughter leave, Hope sighed, “Come in Chelsea. There’s plenty for everyone.”
“Stop trying to be my mother!” she shouted at Hope.
“I am your mother.” Hope pointed out.
“No, Gillian Rose Campbell is my mother.”
“Victoria, I’m not trying to replace her, I’m only…”
“Good, because you couldn’t! You wouldn’t even come close!” and she stormed out of the Pub.
“Victoria…” Hope called after her, intent on trying to make things right she made to go after her but Max stopped her.
“No I’ll go.”
Out in the parking lot, Victoria was waiting by his car, “What the hell was that?”
“What the hell was what?” she asked him innocently.
“That performance in there. You spend most of your time talking about how great your family is, how they’re all these wonderful people and then you pull something like that?”
“I didn’t pull anything. Look can we just go?” she stepped away from the car, expecting him to unlock the door but he made no move to do so.
“Like hell you didn’t and we’re not going anywhere. Not until you’ve apologised to Hope.” He grabbed her arm intent on dragging her back to the Pub if he had to.
She struggled against him, trying desperately to wriggle out of his grasp. “Apologise for what?” she shrieked at him, “Putting her in her place?”
He stopped in his tracks and turned to her, “For being rude and obnoxious for one. You were out of line; she was only trying to help you.”
“She was trying to be my mother.” she corrected him.
“Which she is.” he pointed out.
“No, she’s not my mother. She’s some woman whose DNA happens to match mine, that does not make her my mother.” Still struggling against him, she almost fell to the ground when he suddenly let go of her arm.
He stared at her as though he was looking at a stranger, the look sent shivers up her spine. He spoke to her calmly, as though she was crazed, “I’m trying really hard to understand where you’re coming from, but you’re not making it easy.”
“Well don’t.” she shouted at him, feeling crazed herself, “Don’t try Max; you won’t be able to understand. Because you don’t know what I’m going through.”
He shook his head, “You’re wrong I do know.”
“No you don’t, you think because you’re adopted that gives you insight into what I’m thinking and feeling but it doesn’t. It’s not the same at all so stop-” she shoved at him, the fact that he didn’t move an inch somehow made her even angrier, “-trying to make as though you understand what I’m going through when you don’t have the first clue.” She shoved at him again.
He reached for her arms and pinned them to her sides, looking her in the eye, he pleaded with her; “Why don’t you tell me? If you tell me I might be able to help you.”
“I don’t want your help Max. There’s nothing to help me with because there’s nothing wrong with me. As long as Hope keeps her distance I’ll be okay.”
“She’s not going to do that. You’re her daughter, she loves you.”
“She’s known me for all of six months.”
“That doesn’t mean she doesn’t love you.”
“Well I don’t want her love, you can tell her to just stop.”
“How am I supposed to do that? How do you tell someone to stop loving you?”
“I don’t know just…do something…just make it stop. Make it all stop, I’m sick of feeling this way Max, I’m so tired of feeling this way. I’m so tired of everything.” The tears started then, first one single tear rolled down her cheek; then it was joined by another and another till the tears were gushing out of her. He pulled her into his arms but the tears only came faster.
They stood in the parking lot, watched by two people. Hope, having heard their conversation slipped silently back into the pub. Chelsea, seeing Max hold Victoria that way, comforting her, realised the futility of hating them both because they cared for each other. Victoria had stood up for her, in a way no one ever had. Not her father or Max, turning from the couple, she walked away from the pub.
Hope spent the morning of the New Year, at Zack’s grave. With all the excitement over discovering Victoria, she hadn’t been there in a long time. She knelt beside his grave,
“Hey Zack honey, I know I haven’t been here in a long time. But so much has happened; I guess you know everything though. I wish you could have known her and I wish she could have known you, the two of you would have loved each other so much, I’m sure of that. Thank you for sending her to us, to me. I needed her without even realising it. Oh God Zack, Christmas was so hard without you this year, I kept looking around for you and then I had to deal with the pain all over again. I remember how happy we were last year and it hurts so much, it hurts so much Zack. And it’s great to have Shawn and Victoria and your dad, but it’s not the same, not without you. Shawn is doing so great and you should see Zach, so tiny but alert, it’s as though he knows how great his namesake was. He’s just the sweetest baby ever, he’s really precious and so is Claire for that matter. Who would have thought, me a grandmother, twice over. I was so angry with Mimi for keeping something like that from Shawn but I realised, with your grandma Caroline’s help, that it wasn’t my place to be angry and it wasn’t my forgiveness she needed. If Shawn was able to move on then who were we to still blame her? And besides Mimi’s a good girl and she makes your brother very happy. Your sister on the other hand, Victoria, that’s another story. I don’t know what to do anymore Zack, I love her so much and all I want is to be her mother but she keeps pushing me away. Every time I think we’re making progress, she puts up another wall and I can feel her pulling away from me, I just don’t know what to do to make it better. Victor certainly didn’t help the situation any and she’s quit her job at Titan so there’s nothing keeping her here in Salem besides Max. Which reminds me of the scare they gave us on Christmas day, your aunt Kayla and I were sure he’d given her an engagement ring, turns out it was simply a pendant.” She smiled at the thought and placed her hand over his name, engraved on the headstone, “I miss you so much Zack, so much.”
She looked up and found Bo standing a few feet away from her. Getting up, she walked over to him. “How did you know I’d be here?”
He wiped the tears from her face and brought her closer, “I didn’t, I just knew you’d need me.” Together they walked back to their cars. Their children were coming around later in the day; they were supposed to have some family time. Mimi had even promised to bring Claire along if Belle and Philip didn’t have any plans.
*****
“Well they’re both down for the count.” Mimi came downstairs to see Hope standing in the front door smiling. She walked over to her and saw Shawn bombarding Victoria with snowballs. “Shawn, I’m sorry. You’re right okay, you win.” “Shawn! Stop please.”
“What’s Shawn right about?” she asked Hope.
“They’re arguing about which the better sport is baseball or cricket. Shawn wouldn’t let up till she conceded”
Shawn still hadn’t let up, Victoria put up her hand to stop him, “Okay, I bow down to the superiority of the game of baseball,” she would’ve gone on but he landed a snowball in her face, “Dad, would you tell Shawn to…” she trailed off, realising what she’d just said. “What I meant to say was-”
Everyone was quiet for a while, stunned really. Then Bo, who was standing on the porch shouted to Shawn, “Shawn, leave your sister alone.”
At the door, Mimi had seen the expression that had crossed Hope’s face when Victoria had called Bo ‘dad’, “Are you okay?”
Hope shrugged the question off, “It’s nothing, silly really.” Mimi looked at her, her expressions said that she was listening if Hope wanted to talk, Hope turned away from the door and walked sat down in one of the chairs, “She’s so comfortable with them, Bo and Shawn. We have none of that closeness, there’s this distance between us that I can’t get past and she won’t let me. Sometimes I feel as though she doesn’t want me in her life.”
Mimi placed a comforting hand on Hope’s shoulder, “That’s absurd Hope. Of course she wants you in her life, she’s just cautious, you’re her mother. That’s a dynamic relationship, she just needs time.”
Hope was about to say something when the Bo, Shawn and Victoria all came inside. “Mom, did you see that excellent pitch? Knocked some sense into Tory.”
Hope smiled at Shawn and nodded.
“Pitch? That wasn’t a pitch that was a throw. You threw that thing right at me; it almost knocked me for a six.”
“Homerun” Shawn corrected her.
“Alright kids,” Bo addressed them as though they were two six years olds instead of two grown people, “let’s go get something to drink.” He shuffled the two of them, still arguing into the kitchen just as the doorbell rang.
Hope got up and called, “I’ll get that.” She opened the door and was surprised to find who was on the other side, “Chelsea, what are you doing here?”
“I invited her.” Victoria stated as she came out of the kitchen with a mug of hot chocolate, “This is a family get together, she’s family.”
Chelsea glanced at Shawn and Hope uncomfortably, “Maybe I should just go.”
Shawn nodded, “Yeah that’d be a brilliant idea.”
“Then I’m going with you.” Victoria placed her cup on the coffee table and walked to the front door.
Shawn called out, “You don’t have to do that.”
Victoria looked at him, “No, I think I do.”
But it was Chelsea who stopped her with an acidic comment, “Look I don’t need you doing me any favours.”
“Wouldn’t dream about it, wouldn’t want you owing me anything.”
“Victoria…” Shawn’s eyes pleaded with her not to do this.
Torn between letting her step-daughter join in the family fun and having her daughter leave, Hope sighed, “Come in Chelsea. There’s plenty for everyone.”
*****
No one knew what had started the confrontation between the two of them; all they heard was the raised voice of Victoria shouting at Hope. They’d been enjoying lunch at the Brady Pub, an attempt by Hope to get closer to her daughter. She especially felt the need since Victoria had taken to calling Bo ‘dad’ in the weeks since January first. Max was enjoying lunch with Bo and Shawn, each keeping a watchful glance on the interaction between the two females. They hadn’t spent any quality time alone in all the months that Victoria had been in Salem. Hope’s one attempt to spend time with her daughter had ended in an argument when she’d found out that Tory had invited Max to move in with her. There lunch seemed to be going pretty well till hope made a comment and Victoria exploded.“Stop trying to be my mother!” she shouted at Hope.
“I am your mother.” Hope pointed out.
“No, Gillian Rose Campbell is my mother.”
“Victoria, I’m not trying to replace her, I’m only…”
“Good, because you couldn’t! You wouldn’t even come close!” and she stormed out of the Pub.
“Victoria…” Hope called after her, intent on trying to make things right she made to go after her but Max stopped her.
“No I’ll go.”
Out in the parking lot, Victoria was waiting by his car, “What the hell was that?”
“What the hell was what?” she asked him innocently.
“That performance in there. You spend most of your time talking about how great your family is, how they’re all these wonderful people and then you pull something like that?”
“I didn’t pull anything. Look can we just go?” she stepped away from the car, expecting him to unlock the door but he made no move to do so.
“Like hell you didn’t and we’re not going anywhere. Not until you’ve apologised to Hope.” He grabbed her arm intent on dragging her back to the Pub if he had to.
She struggled against him, trying desperately to wriggle out of his grasp. “Apologise for what?” she shrieked at him, “Putting her in her place?”
He stopped in his tracks and turned to her, “For being rude and obnoxious for one. You were out of line; she was only trying to help you.”
“She was trying to be my mother.” she corrected him.
“Which she is.” he pointed out.
“No, she’s not my mother. She’s some woman whose DNA happens to match mine, that does not make her my mother.” Still struggling against him, she almost fell to the ground when he suddenly let go of her arm.
He stared at her as though he was looking at a stranger, the look sent shivers up her spine. He spoke to her calmly, as though she was crazed, “I’m trying really hard to understand where you’re coming from, but you’re not making it easy.”
“Well don’t.” she shouted at him, feeling crazed herself, “Don’t try Max; you won’t be able to understand. Because you don’t know what I’m going through.”
He shook his head, “You’re wrong I do know.”
“No you don’t, you think because you’re adopted that gives you insight into what I’m thinking and feeling but it doesn’t. It’s not the same at all so stop-” she shoved at him, the fact that he didn’t move an inch somehow made her even angrier, “-trying to make as though you understand what I’m going through when you don’t have the first clue.” She shoved at him again.
He reached for her arms and pinned them to her sides, looking her in the eye, he pleaded with her; “Why don’t you tell me? If you tell me I might be able to help you.”
“I don’t want your help Max. There’s nothing to help me with because there’s nothing wrong with me. As long as Hope keeps her distance I’ll be okay.”
“She’s not going to do that. You’re her daughter, she loves you.”
“She’s known me for all of six months.”
“That doesn’t mean she doesn’t love you.”
“Well I don’t want her love, you can tell her to just stop.”
“How am I supposed to do that? How do you tell someone to stop loving you?”
“I don’t know just…do something…just make it stop. Make it all stop, I’m sick of feeling this way Max, I’m so tired of feeling this way. I’m so tired of everything.” The tears started then, first one single tear rolled down her cheek; then it was joined by another and another till the tears were gushing out of her. He pulled her into his arms but the tears only came faster.
They stood in the parking lot, watched by two people. Hope, having heard their conversation slipped silently back into the pub. Chelsea, seeing Max hold Victoria that way, comforting her, realised the futility of hating them both because they cared for each other. Victoria had stood up for her, in a way no one ever had. Not her father or Max, turning from the couple, she walked away from the pub.
